Hate the Disease

So, why are you doing this Herb? Why are you displaying all these horribly intimate pieces of your life for all the world to see? don’t you know that the world looks down on the whole addiction thing? what will people think of you?
i am doing this because i hate the disease. i’m displaying all these things because someone has to. the silence, the taboo, and the shame have to end. don’t hate the addict, hate the disease. im writing all these blogs, to expose what this thing is doing to people. to our brothers, sisters, moms, and dads. i’m doing this because i want everyone to know that i have indeed suffered from this thing. i’m doing this because there is too much focus on the problem and not enough on the solution. and i do know that the world looks down on the whole addiction thing, which is another reason i am doing this. i watched a movie called the annonymous people a few times, and there is a woman speaking, and she said something like, ” the silence, the shame, and the taboo that shroud this disease are just as deadly as the disease itself.” and i couldn’t agree more. if we keep sweeping this thing under the rug, and sitting idly by, and not embrace this thing for what it is, then we are sentencing our loved ones to death. if we addicts are constantly shamed and condemned, then we wont want to get help. its a shameful life enough as it is, hiding from yourself. trying to numb everything inside of you with everything you can find. spitting at mirrors, because you hate yourself, but are mentally and physically incapable of stopping on your own. wanting to stop, crying and pleading to god for help, only to shoot more dope, smoke more rock, drink more booze, because there is nothing you can do to stop it.
The truth of the matter is, in my experience, that addicts in recovery are some of the kindest, smartest, hardworking, giving, and loving people that i have ever met. my best friends, the people who are there for me day in and day out, are mostly felons, but are all addicts. and you know, most of the time, you don’t even know who we are. some of us are school teachers, and lawyers, doctors, and construction workers. good people. with a horrible battle waging inside of them. some more than others.
And to be honest with you, to answer the last question, i don’t give a damn what the world thinks of me, cuz, the fact is, all you gotta do is google my name to know about my past.
yes, i, in active addiction have done some dispicable  things to get drugs. i have seen some horrible things as a result. and i have paid my debt to society in consequence. i am not a bad guy, i’m a sick guy, i would walk all the way across town to give you the shirt off my back, but there’s something about addiction that turns us into the opposite, jekyll and hyde.
And i don’t speak for anyone but myself, but i would like to think that most addicts reading this would agree. were just trying to recover and find our way just like anybody else.
And lastly, the biggest reason i am doing this, is to tell any struggling addict out there, their family, and the community that they live in and undoubtedly affect this: THERE IS HOPE!! Recovery is possible. people do care. you are not alone.
There is such a sideways approach to this whole thing, in my opinion, we focus on the problem, and then try to incarcerate our way out of it. our resources are so limited. how many towns have access to detox? halfway houses? recovery programs? and do the people who need them have the knowledge of where to find them and what they can do to change their lives? in my past experience, not many, not enough, not enough, and no.and that is a problem. i did not want to be an addict, 8 time felon at 30, i wanted to be a baseball player, and a dad, and a husband. And i am able to be a father, to be in my son’s life today only through the grace of God, and from the help of other recovering addicts. It is so important that this issue starts receiving some compassion, and loving kindness, because that is the only way. So if you’re someone who loves someone who is struggling with addiction, just remember, this person is not a bad person, they’re a sick person. don’t hate the addict, hate the disease.



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