Relief…

Since Ive been writing these posts, Ive gotten a tremendous amount of feedback. I thank you all for the overwhelming support. There has been a common question from my readers throughout all this; “Herb, how are you not in prison right now?” I used to ask myself that very question, but I know the answer now.

So, I must backtrack just a little to paint the full picture for everyone, and its going to take a few entries to do this, so bare with me, I think it will be worth the patience in the end. The way this whole thing has unfolded is something i truly cant explain. I’d probably have a better go at trying to explain to you what a rose smells like, or what an ice cream sundae tastes like. You just have to experience it yourself. But Im damn sure going to try.

So after moving out of a halfway house in December 2012, I moved in with my friend.  We relapsed on alcohol on Valentine’s Day 2013. Within about 5 weeks I was using heroin again. Smoking cocaine. Daily. We received an eviction notice and she left. Again. Back to her moms. I was once again homeless, living in my borrowed truck on borrowed time. I was panhandling and stealing to support my habit. I was not doing well either. I stayed dope sick all the time. The little contact me and my friend had was over the phone, and when I would stop by  it was to either collect money from her, or pick her up to go get dope. It got really bad really fast. It always gets worse and it always happens faster. I was living in utter despair. I was at the bottom again within about ten weeks. One day, she told me that her and her family were going out of town and that she would leave the back door open for me so that I could eat, shower, and sleep in a bed for a night. This would be nice. Sleeping in a truck full of dope and paraphernalia sucks. She also told me that I would have to be out of the house before her brother came to let the dog out, about 6am. I went in the back door as instructed, sat down, shot up, showered, and are some snacks. Around midnight I got a text telling me to disregard the whole her brother coming over thing. He wouldn’t be coming. This was welcomed news. I needed some good sleep. Like a full days worth. I was about 130 lbs and sickly. I was burned up. I took it upon myself to ransack the house for anything that I could hock at the pawn shop the following morning. I would need to get my sick off as early as possible. And that’s how it always was, I would do my last one, and automatically be worried about the next one. The disease controlled every aspect of my life. I loaded up a book bag with some things i thought they wouldn’t miss, and headed up stairs to her bedroom and shut the door. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and was awoken seemingly instantly to the bedroom door swinging open. It was the family’s neighbor, she had come to let the dog out and couldn’t find her right away, and there I lay. In stunned shock. “What the HELL are YOU doing here!?!?” Is all she said. And she ran out the front door. They hated me too, they had every reason to. I knew what was about to happen. So I grabbed the bag, and bolted out the back door. Jumped one fence after another and did my best at putting as much distance between me and that house as possible. I ran out onto a street hoping to cross it without being seen and make it to the woods. I always had good luck running from the cops as long as i could make it to the woods. I was seen. By the lady who found me’s husband, in his truck, on his phone. Following me. I heard the sirens, and within about 3 minutes I was completely surrounded by police. Cops were everywhere, you would have thought they found Bin Laden. I tried to make a dash for it, and was pinned against a wood fence by an officer and his snarling, ready to eat me for breakfast canine. I was done. Shaking badly and completely exhausted I just leaned against the fence. It was over. I was cuffed and placed in the back of the cruiser. Now, most people would be losing their minds at the thought of being arrested. But as i sat in the back, cuffed, and no doubt going to jail, I only felt one thing, relief. I wasn’t going to have to chase dope anymore. It was finally over. For now. And then the withdrawals started to settle in.

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