I just wanted to write you a little something and let you know how truly special to me you are. I know that life has been fucked up for us at times, and that there may be parts of you that feel like you have failed in some areas. But I am here to tell you right here and right now, that I am so very proud that you are my father. I do not feel or believe that you have failed me or Lucas in any way. Sure, you made mistakes along the way, big deal. We all do. When we are born, when you were born, no one gave us a manual that detailed how to handle each and every situation and interaction as they arose. I think you did more than great with me and my brother. We, the three musketeers are all still here! And we are the last ones standing. I bet no body saw that coming. You impacted me in so many ways that I don’t even think you realize. You never left my side, you never walked away from me, and you have always had my back through the thickest and the thinnest.
No one, has ever advocated for, defended, and protected me like you. No matter what has ever transpired in my life, even in the bad times, I could always count on my dad. I love you more than you will ever know.
When I was in treatment, on Fridays, we did guided meditation. One of the Fridays, the instructor was walking us through meditation and directed us to take our minds to our happy places. And I just want you to know, that at 37 years old, laying on the floor of a rehab, grown ass man and all; One of my happy places throughout the entire course of my lifetime was playing catch with you! After all these years, after all that has unfolded in our lives, it was still so effortless to transcend my mind back to playing catch with my best friend, my father. I have always admired you. I have always looked up to you, and loved you tremendously. Even though we didn’t have a lot, we always had enough, and we always had each other. You showed me what “all for one and one for all” really means. And you have always stood by this to this day.
So I just want you to know, that there is absolutely nothing that I think you should hang your head about, feel guilty for, or beat yourself up about. I have made it, Lucas has made it, and we are all still here together! I am a father too, and I know the pains and conviction that can come along with feeling our errors and shortcomings. But I also know that we have and always will do our best. I still believe in you, and I still love, admire, and respect you so very much. You done good dad. Thanks for never giving up on me.
You see, Daddy’s don’t just love their children every now and then. It’s a love without end, Amen.
I am so proud to bare your name.
Love you dad.